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Video Lesson with IGCSE Narrative Exemplar
Watch the video lesson that accompanies this exemplar.
I’ll explain what makes this exemplar meet all the requirements for IGCSE First Language English. Unpick this A* model narrative with me.
IGCSE Narrative Exemplar – An A* Model Answer
Race to the Top
Swiping bold stripes of face paint on my cheeks, I felt the adrenaline soaring through my body. This would be the year I’d come first, get my name in the newspapers, and finally beat Benson. It was my seventh time competing… and my seventh time coming second place.
Tough Mudder was advertised as a fun event with a party held afterwards for those fit enough to complete the gruelling obstacle course, but I didn’t feel much in the party mood as I weighed up Benson, now stomping his way to the starting line. Benson’s gaze met mine, an unspoken challenge that knocked away some of my certainty. He clenched his fists, set his jaw, and smirked at me. It was a red flag to a bull. I’d spent the past year in intensive training: weightlifting, running and climbing. I would fling Benson from his throne without mercy – and claim my gold medal as I did.
Although it was the crack of dawn, the sun was already fiercely pounding down on the field below where the Tough Mudder competition would be held, sizzling my skin. I hustled through the throngs of people now jostling around for a place at the starting line, nodding hello to Marie, an athletic woman with a towering physique, who was warming up. I elbowed, pushed and kicked until I found myself shoulder-to-shoulder with Benson.
“Alright, Sammy,” he said, his voice like velvet, his eyebrow cocked. “Try not to feel too bad about another loss, eh? It’s the taking part that counts.”
I fumbled for something witty to say in response but came up short. “Shut up,” I muttered.
Benson’s face split into a wide grin and his eyes glittered with glee.
The announcer began the countdown; the crowd roared; I steeled myself.
“On your marks! Get set! GO!”
I leapt into the air, manoeuvring through the treacherous terrain and obstacles with the precision of a seasoned pro, leaving Benson far behind. Years of practice had honed my skills, transforming me into a graceful dancer amidst the chaos. I leapt past Marie, bounded through the obstacles, and soared through the mud. My steps light and nimble, I glided over the mud pits, and then pirouetted over the gorge. The next obstacle coming my way: The King of the Swingers. The ropes and nets were no match for my trained limbs; my limbs flowed from one rope to the next, swinging, swaying across with ease.
A quick glance back filled me with satisfaction as I saw Benson stumbling as he navigated through Mud Mile – a perilous maze of trenches. When he came up for air, face encrusted in mud, mouth dangling wide, I flashed him a dazzling smile. Too easy, I thought.
I sprinted to the final obstacle: a massive, muddy hill that seemed to reach the heavens. I hadn’t expected a new obstacle this year and as I scrambled up the hill, failing to find a foothold and sliding back down, before realising that someone else was overtaking me. I saw his wiry muscles and glittering eyes as he ascended the hill… and I slid back down again like a wet fish. Finally,
finally, I found purchase on a series of rocks obscured by the mud. I gasped for breath as I reached the summit, my pride wounded, my victory in tatters.
From the crest of the hill, I watched Benson’s determined descent, who was running down the hill at breakneck speed. Time stopped. A protruding branch yanked at Benson’s ankle. Gravity ripped Benson down to the ground. The crowd silenced, and now the only noise that could be heard was a sickening crack of Benson’s bones upon the ground. He didn’t move again.
The air seemed thick and heavy as I jogged down the hill to Benson’s lifeless form. Body crumpled, eyes dazed, leg bent out of shape – how could I leave him like that? And yet, and yet, the finishing line glittered and gleamed in my periphery, promising that elusive gold medal if I just walked another hundred metres to cross it.
“Hey,” I said, crouching. “You okay?”
Benson stirred, scrunching up his eyes. “Go on then,” he said. “It’s your year – go get your medal and you can gloat later.”
The more I considered leaving Benson, the more I knew what I had to do… but that didn’t mean I had to be happy about it. Grabbing him from under his armpit, I yanked Benson to his feet, supporting his weight as I began to carry him half-limping towards the checkered finish line. Our sweaty, muddy bodies hobbled ungainly forwards, turning us into a four-legged monster. Fine, I thought, We’ll win this together.
Abruptly, rapidly, Marie streaked past us, splattering us with mud as she ploughed through the field with alarming velocity, and darted past the finishing line to rapturous applause. Benson suddenly seemed to weigh an extra fifty kilos.
“Oh well,” I said, as I continued lugging us forward. “I believe you said that it’s the taking part that counts.”
Why would this IGCSE narrative exemplar get full marks?
Content and Structure for this IGCSE Narrative exemplar
What is included in Content and Structure?
- Correct paragraphing
- Clear plot structure
- Characterisation
- Setting
- Description
- Effective climax
- Realistic details
- Quality, imagination and execution of your story ideas
Clear plot structure
Your plot structure should be “well-defined”, according to the mark scheme. The examiner will check to see if you have a clear introduction, rising tension and an effective climax.
Here’s the plot structure of my IGCSE narrative exemplar:
Effective characterisation
Great characterisation means you can create realistic characters that feel like real people. You should consider:
- What are their names?
- How old are they?
- Where are they from?
- What do they look like?
- What are their personalities?
- What motivates them?
Remember that real people have flaws. Nobody wants to read about Little Miss Perfect and Mister Handsome who have never done anything wrong in their lives. The most common mistake students make is their main character is often Generic Teenager, unnamed, no personality and no flaws.
Why not make your main character an old woman who used to be a government spy? A servant who has worked for a family for a long time, now simmering with rage and jealousy? A middle-aged man who can only eat mashed potatoes for every meal?
Think about Sammy and Benson’s flaws…
Tough Mudder was advertised as a fun event with a party held afterwards for those fit enough to complete the gruelling obstacle course, but I didn’t feel much in the party mood as I weighed up Benson, now stomping his way to the starting line. Benson’s gaze met mine, an unspoken challenge that knocked away some of my certainty. He clenched his fists, set his jaw, and smirked at me. It was a red flag to a bull. I’d spent the past year in intensive training: weightlifting, running and climbing. I would fling Benson from his throne without mercy – and claim my gold medal as I did.
Both men are petty, hypercompetitive and aggressive. I describe their rivalry in a semi-mocking and humorous tone, describing Benson “stomping” as though he is an elephant.
Setting
Setting refers to:
- When and where is your story set?
- What is the atmosphere like?
- What is the weather like?
The best settings will directly interact with the plot of your story. A thunderstorm should cause chaos and confusion. A muddy setting should cause someone to slip and fall. The sentry walls of a castle should be the site of a major discovery.
Again, the most common mistake students make is not describing their setting at all. They often set stories in their own hometown or country, so assume the reader can picture the streets, weather and atmosphere.
Why not set a story somewhere completely new? Tokyo city, Mars, an ancient castle, a train.
Dialogue
Dialogue can be a very effective tool for characterisation and moving your plot forward when done well.
You should always remember the following dialogue rules:
- Keep dialogue brief and purposeful
- No more than six lines in a story or it can start to sound script-like
- Remember you are trying to replicate real spoken language, so:
- Use contractions: I’m, wasn’t, didn’t
- Use ellipses: …
- New speaker means a new paragraph must be started
Consider this excerpt of the dialogue in my exemplar:
“Alright, Sammy,” he said, his voice like velvet, his eyebrow cocked. “Try not to feel too bad about another loss, eh? It’s the taking part that counts.”
I fumbled for something witty to say in response but came up short. “Shut up,” I muttered.
Benson’s face split into a wide grin and his eyes glittered with glee.
In this section of dialogue, we get a sense of Sammy and Benson’s rivalry as petty, with both men winding each other up about something that seems so minor to the reader. Neither man appears to come out on top, resisting having a “good guy” and “bad guy” in the narrative. This makes the ending where both men cross the finishing line together feel more realistic and satisfying.
Climax
Your climax should be the most exciting and intense part of your story. It should answer all or most of the questions that your story has raised.
In the case of Race to the Top, these are the questions the reader may have:
- Will Sammy win this race? No!
- Will Benson be able to beat him once again? No!
- Will Sammy help Benson? Yes, begrudgingly so, but yes
- How will either man react if they lose this race? Unhappy but with good humour
- Can their rivalry ever be resolved? It appears they might be able to become more civil
Just as Benson slips and falls, the tension is at its peak. Consider this excerpt:
The more I considered leaving Benson, the more I knew what I had to do… but that didn’t mean I had to be happy about it. Grabbing him from under his armpit, I yanked Benson to his feet, supporting his weight as I began to carry him half-limping towards the checkered finish line. Our sweaty, muddy bodies hobbled ungainly forwards, turning us into a four-legged monster. Fine, I thought, We’ll win this together.
Here the reader will feel the most excited, especially as their final question may be about to be answered: who will win the race?
Structure
Your climax shouldn’t feel completely random – it should be a natural progression of events.
You can drop hints or clues throughout your story to build up towards your climax. For example, I mention Marie twice before she wins the race. It therefore becomes ironic that Sammy totally overlooked her because he was so laser-focused on Benson he didn’t see his real competition.
The worst stories have climaxes that feel totally disconnected from the rest of the story. For example, I once read a narrative about a dying mother… then the climax was zombies taking over the city. No, zombies had not been mentioned anywhere else in the story!
If your climax doesn’t make sense or the events in your story feel disconnected, you will not be able to score highly for Content and Structure.
Try a circular structure
When done well, a circular structure often scores highly for narrative writing.
This is when you begin and end with a similar idea or theme to bring your story to a satisfying close.
For example:
- At the start: “Alright, Sammy,” he said, his voice like velvet, his eyebrow cocked. “Try not to feel too bad about another loss, eh? It’s the taking part that counts.”
- At the end: “Oh well,” I said, as I continued lugging us forward. “I believe you said that it’s the taking part that counts.”
My story begins and ends with the same line, “It’s the taking part that counts.” However, although the same line has been said, the sentiment has changed. At the beginning, the line is used sarcastically, whereas at the end, Sammy is beginning to see that actually the idea is true.
Style and Accuracy for this IGCSE Narrative exemplar
What is included in Style and Accuracy?
- Correct spelling, punctuation and grammar (SPAG)
- Sophisticated and precise vocabulary
- Range of sentence types used with control and for effect
- Range of punctuation used with control and for effect
- Flow and fluency of language
- Effective register and using the correct tone of language for a story
Quality of language
You receive most of your marks for Style and Accuracy, so you should make sure you’re always writing accurately, precisely and with ambition. You should show off all your skills to the examiner.
Consider this excerpt from my model narrative:
I leapt into the air, manoeuvring through the treacherous terrain and obstacles with the precision of a seasoned pro, leaving Benson far behind. Years of practice had honed my skills, transforming me into a graceful dancer amidst the chaos. I leapt past Marie, bounded through the obstacles, and soared through the mud. My steps light and nimble, I glided over the mud pits, and then pirouetted over the gorge. The next obstacle coming my way: The King of the Swingers. The ropes and nets were no match for my trained limbs; my limbs flowed from one rope to the next, swinging, swaying across with ease.
Notice my use of colons and semicolons, used correctly and effectively.
Good narratives also contain effective description to bring the story to life, so don’t forget to use sensory language and language devices, such as simile and metaphor.
Precise and sophisticated vocabulary
Students often ask me for a list of vocabulary they can use in their descriptive and narrative writing. I’m reluctant to do this because just shoving advanced words into a piece of writing doesn’t necessarily make it better – in fact, sometimes you can lose marks for doing that!
This is because your writing should be precise, accurate and clear. But if you’re using advanced vocabulary incorrectly, your examiner might not even understand what you are writing anymore! If this happens, you will lose a lot of marks.
You don’t want to sound like this…
You might also like…
Free video lessons, PowerPoints and quizzes available to help you on Taughtly.co.uk:
- Full IGCSE First Language English 0500 course – completely free, no payment details needed
- Free teaching resources for IGCSE and IB English
- One-to-one tutoring and small group classes coming September 2024
- Free booklet of model narratives – As Told by Teachers
