The Elevator: A Real Student's A* Narrative Exemplar for IGCSE English

IGCSE Literature in English 0475 - The City Planners by Margaret Atwood

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Introduction

Below is a real student’s A* narrative writing example that he completed as part of his coursework for IGCSE First Language English 0500.

As a coursework narrative, students can redraft and improve their work according to teacher feedback. So if you’re studying for the exam route, Paper 2, don’t worry! Your story wouldn’t need to be this long or perfected in writing style to achieve an A*. The grade boundaries are always higher for coursework compared to the exam route.

Narrative writing is most impactful when every element works together to engage the reader, create suspense, and deliver an emotionally satisfying climax. The short story “The Elevator,” written by a student, is a stellar example of this. Let’s break down what makes this A* IGCSE narrative exemplar so effective through reviewing its character development, setting, dialogue, circular structure, and climax.

Video Lesson: Unpicking an A* IGCSE Narrative Exemplar

A* IGCSE Narrative Exemplar

The Elevator by Kwan WH

There was an efficient hum of activity in the hotel lobby of the New York hotel that day. Men in expensive suits, women in designer dresses, and the staff in smart uniforms were all going about their business. The scene was reminiscent of the days of old: art-deco architecture, heavy carpeting, brass fixtures, and crystal lamps — luxurious surroundings at their finest.

Suddenly, a young girl raced through, her hair flying wildly behind her as she ran through. Sylvia was late. She was in New York City visiting her parents. Her father, the famous architect William Rose, was a rather wrinkled figure with blueish, grey eyes. There was an odd sadness in his gaze despite the fact he was accepting an international architecture award that night.

Sylvia ran to the elevators, not stopping to notice the ornate fixtures and the hotel’s sophisticated design. She flew into an elevator. Strangely, there was a bellman inside.

“What floor, miss?” asked the old man.

Then, noticing the man, “Oh… 30th floor, please.”

Sylvia was silent now, except for her heavy breathing. She noticed the old man again. He had a drooping shoulder and an odd sadness buried beneath those icy-like blue eyes. “I’ve never been in an elevator with an operator inside. Are all the elevators like this?” she asked.

“No, miss, this is the last one,” said the old man. “Years ago, when she was new, all the elevators in the Grand Hotel were like this one. It was the fanciest hotel in all of New York City, you know….”

Sylvia looked away. Just when she was about to say something, the elevator suddenly came to a stop with the chime of a bell.

“Gosh! What’s wrong?” she said, the fear evident on her face.

“Oh, this happens sometimes,” said the elevator man. “No need to panic, miss. I’ll just make a call.” He reached down to the box near the floor that held a phone. His sleeve came up his arm as he reached. That’s when Sylvia noticed the numbers.

There, tattooed on his arm, were five faded numbers, clear enough to see.

Sylvia froze. She knew what they meant. Her father had told her. They were the numbers that the Nazis had inked onto the arms of Jews sent to the concentration camps. Her father had escaped just before the war, but his family was left behind.

Sylvia stared at the numbers on the man’s arm. “Sir,” she began tentatively, “I couldn’t help but notice… those numbers… the numbers on your arm.”

The elevator was still stopped. All was quiet except for their hushed words. The elevator man gave a slight nod, his face expressionless. Sylvia continued, “My father is also Jewish. He told me about the Jews in Germany during the war. It was so horrible.”

The man’s eyes softened as he looked up at Sylvia. “Yes. It was a difficult time.”

Sylvia noticed his nametag. It read, “Rosenberg.”

The old man continued. “It was a long time ago. Our family only had money to send one of us to America. We chose my younger brother, Wilhelm. He was such a bright young boy! Always wanted to be an architect. It was his dream.”

His tone became more sentimental. “I took this job fifty years ago. I knew that if Wilhelm ever came to New York, he would visit the Grand Hotel. Like its name says, it’s the grandest hotel in all of New York! It’s won awards for its architecture, you know. And if he visited, he might just walk into my elevator. That was my dream.”

He paused. “I’m sorry. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Heinrich Rosenberg.”

For a second time, Sylvia was silent. Could it be? She knew about her uncle. His name was Henry, or Heinry, or something like that. And his last name: Rosenberg. She knew her father had changed his name – as many Jews did in those days.

“Excuse me, what did you say your younger brother’s name was?” Sylvia asked the man.

“Wilhelm. Wilhelm Rosenberg. Same as mine,” pointing to his nametag.

“And what happened to him… your younger brother, I mean,” Sylvia asked.

“After he left for America, we never heard from him. It’s been so long….”

A chill came over Sylvia. Just then, the elevator suddenly lurched back to life, and Sylvia’s floor arrived. Thoughtfully, she glanced over at the man. “Can you hold the elevator? Please, wait just a moment!” Sylvia ran to her parents’ room. “Dad! Dad!” she shouted. “There’s someone… a man… I think he might be… Dad! Come quick!”

Her father stepped out of the room and into the hallway. He wondered what his daughter was so excited about. There before him stood an old man, strangely familiar. The two men stared at each other for a moment, and then the years melted away.

Heinrich spoke first. “Wilhelm? Is that you?”

It was the younger man’s turn. “Heinrich! Can it be? It’s you? It’s really you!”

The two men raced to each other and embraced for what seemed like forever.

And there, on the 30th floor of the Grand Hotel in New York City — the one with the fancy artwork and the shiny wood panelling — the two men were taken back to a time long ago when war had come to their little town in Germany and separated their family. At long last, Heinrich Rosenberg and his brother, Wilhelm (now William Rose), were reunited at last, both their dreams suddenly and surely having come true.

What’s the marking criteria for IGCSE Narratives?

You are marked for two criteria for IGCSE First Language English Narrative Writing: Content & Structure and Style & Accuracy.

Content	Structure	Style	Accuracy
Engaging plot Features of narrative writing, such as characterisation, description, dialogue and setting	Correct paragraphing Plot is coherent: builds towards an effective climax Circular structure Deliberate clues	Sophisticated vocabulary used precisely •Varied use of punctuation Varied sentence openings, lengths and constructions Register sounds like a story	Accurate spelling, punctuation and grammar

What mark did the student IGCSE narrative exemplar get?

Content and Structure

Level 6 – full marks: this story is assured, controlled and makes choices for deliberate effect throughout. The clever use of a circular structure shows deliberate choices made for plot, climax and story structure. Characterisation is effective, realistic and detailed. Dialogue adds to the story, sounding suitable for each character. The setting is atmospheric, well-described and plays an important role in the plot. A pleasure to read!

Style and Accuracy

Level 6 – mid-band: Vocabulary, sentencing and punctuation are varied and used with control. The writing is consistently accurate and effective, creating a great register for the story that enhances the narrative. This doesn’t quite receive full marks due to some repetition of vocabulary.

What Makes This Story So Effective?

Character: Realistic and Relatable

A strong story needs compelling characters, and “The Elevator” delivers.

Sylvia – The protagonist, a relatable young woman with a clear motivation—she is late and in a hurry, making her entrance dynamic and believable.
Her father, William Rose – Described as having an “odd sadness in his gaze,” hinting at deeper emotional depth and untold backstory.
Heinrich Rosenberg, the elevator operator – Introduced subtly, but with small details like his drooping shoulder and sad, icy-blue eyes, he quickly becomes intriguing.

As the story progresses, their relationships unfold in a way that makes them feel real and human.

Setting: A Vivid and Purposeful Backdrop

Setting plays a crucial role in immersing readers in the world of a story.

Grand Hotel, New York City – Art Deco architecture, brass fixtures, and crystal lamps create a sense of grandeur and nostalgia.
Contrast in Status – The luxurious setting contrasts with Heinrich’s simple job as an elevator operator, symbolising how history has treated different people in different ways.

The specificity of the setting grounds the story in reality while allowing the narrative to unfold in a confined but rich space.

Dialogue: Natural and Emotionally Charged

One of the most impressive aspects of this story is its dialogue, which feels natural and reveals character relationships effectively.

Short, realistic exchanges heighten tension – Instead of long, expository speeches, the dialogue flows naturally.
Sylvia’s broken speech when realising the truth:
- “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice… Those numbers. The numbers on your arm.”
Her excited, breathless call to her father:
- “Dad! Dad! There’s someone… A man. I think it might be… Dad, come quick!”

These exchanges show hesitation, urgency, and emotional turmoil effectively.

Circular Structure: A Satisfying Narrative Arc

A circular structure, where a story begins and ends in a similar way, is a powerful literary device that makes a narrative feel complete.

Opening Scene: Sylvia rushing through the hotel lobby, describing its grandeur.
Closing Scene: The same hotel, but now carrying the weight of emotional revelation.
Key Clue: The first mention of “William Rose” seems ordinary, but by the end, we realise it’s Wilhelm Rosenberg, a man with a lost past, now reunited with his brother.

This mirroring enhances the story’s impact and makes it feel deliberate and polished.

Effective Climax: A Build-Up That Pays Off

The best climaxes don’t feel forced or coincidental; they emerge naturally from well-placed hints and foreshadowing.

Subtle clues leading to revelation:
- Both men have the same “odd sadness” in their gaze.
- Similar blue eyes.
- A connection to architecture.
The moment of recognition between the brothers:
- “The two men stared at each other for a moment, and then the years melted away.”
- This simple yet profound line encapsulates decades of separation and longing in just a few words.

Conclusion: A Model for Narrative Writing

By combining:

Well-developed characters,
A vivid setting,
Realistic dialogue,
A satisfying circular structure,
An emotionally rewarding climax—

“The Elevator” is a brilliant example of effective storytelling, and all the more impressive because it’s a real student exemplar! It demonstrates the power of careful planning and deliberate choices in writing.

The Elevator: A Real Student’s A* Narrative Exemplar for IGCSE English